News & Announcements

Updates from the Scranton branch — performance, products, people, and community.

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Breaking · October 2025

Second Fire Drill This Month: Branch Manager Cites "Preparedness Culture"

The Scranton branch conducted its second unannounced fire drill in October, resulting in a full evacuation, one sprained ankle (Kevin Malone, trip hazard near the vending machine), and a motivational speech from Regional Manager Michael Scott that lasted longer than the drill itself. Michael described the exercise as "exactly what a family does when it loves each other."

HR representative Toby Flenderson filed a report noting that the drill violated corporate protocol on minimum spacing between exercises. Michael reportedly said "I have no idea who that is" when informed of the filing. The branch has since posted record Q3 numbers. Nobody is quite sure if these facts are related.

† A previous fire at the branch in 2007 was attributed to a George Foreman grill. Ryan Howard has asked that this not be mentioned. We are mentioning it.

October 14, 2025 Scranton Branch Branch Life
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From the branch

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Products

Introducing Our New 100% Recycled Paper Line

Dunder Mifflin has expanded its sustainable product range with a full 100% post-consumer recycled offering. Maintains the brightness and feed-performance standards clients expect while reducing virgin-fibre content to zero.

September 8, 2025
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Digital

Dunder Mifflin Infinity: 1,000 Users, Zero Viruses (This Month)

The online ordering portal has crossed 1,000 active business accounts. Following an earlier incident involving a branch-wide computer virus uploaded via the platform, IT has confirmed all systems are stable. Ryan Howard, who designed the original platform, could not be reached for comment.

July 22, 2025
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Recognition

Scranton Wins Performance Award; Michael Scott Accepts on Behalf of "His Kids"

For the second year running, Scranton topped the Northeast Division. At the award ceremony in New York, Michael Scott thanked his team at length, got slightly emotional, referenced the movie Rudy, and was eventually asked to sit down by David Wallace.

June 3, 2025
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Culture

"Threat Level Midnight" Screening Draws Mixed Reviews from Mandatory Attendees

The Scranton branch held a private screening of Regional Manager Michael Scott's action film Threat Level Midnight in the conference room. The event was described as "surprisingly long," "confusing," and "oddly moving" by staff. Popcorn was provided. Attendance was compulsory.

May 2, 2025
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Operations

Warehouse Expansion Increases Same-Day Dispatch by 40%; Darryl Asks for a Raise

A warehouse reconfiguration led by Darryl Philbin increased same-day dispatch capacity by 40% with zero delivery disruption over twelve weeks. Darryl subsequently submitted a formal compensation review request. It is currently in Michael Scott's inbox under a stack of Dundie trophies.

February 28, 2025
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Team

Andy Bernard Performs Full A Cappella Set at Client Holiday Party; Client Renews Contract Anyway

Sales rep Andy Bernard delivered an unrequested twelve-minute a cappella medley at the branch's client holiday event. In a development that surprised everyone including Andy, client Lackawanna County Municipal Authority subsequently renewed their annual contract and upgraded to a premium tier.

January 11, 2025
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Culture

Annual Pretzel Day Returns to 1725 Slough Avenue

Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch will once again host its beloved annual Pretzel Day, featuring a soft pretzel cart, twelve flavour options, and a line that forms before the building opens. Stanley Hudson, who describes Pretzel Day as "the one day a year I feel truly alive," has already submitted a formal request for the afternoon off to "process the experience."

March 14, 2025
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Culture

Kevin's Annual Chili: A Tradition, an Incident, and a Carpet Cleaning Bill

For the seventh consecutive year, Kevin Malone brought his famous chili to the Scranton office. For the second consecutive year, there was an incident involving the pot. The carpet near reception has been cleaned. Kevin has been asked to use the service entrance going forward. The chili was, by all accounts, exceptional.

December 5, 2024
Press Release · November 2024

Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch Achieves 94% Client Retention — Highest in Company History

SCRANTON, PA — Dunder Mifflin, Inc. today announced that its Scranton, Pennsylvania branch has recorded a 94% client retention rate for fiscal year 2024, the highest retention figure ever posted by any branch in the company's 76-year history.

The result surpasses the previous record of 91%, set by the Scranton branch in 2022. Regional Manager Michael Scott was recognised at the company's annual leadership summit in New York, where Chief Financial Officer David Wallace noted that the Scranton branch "continues to set the standard for what client-first service looks like in a competitive market."

The branch attributes the result to its long-tenured sales team, a proactive account management programme, and a commitment to same-day fulfilment that has maintained a 98.6% on-time delivery rate over the same period.

Note: Two HR complaints were filed during the fiscal year. Both were resolved. One involved a waterfall screensaver. HR has declined to elaborate further.

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